Surviving Narcissism: Recognizing and Healing from Narcissistic Partners
Surviving Narcissism: Recognizing and Healing from Narcissistic Partners
Narcissistic relationships can be extremely challenging to navigate and may have a lasting impact on one’s sense of self-worth and overall mental health. On this week’s episode of More Than a Therapy Couch, we sit down with Tara Wagner, an experienced therapist at Tree of Life Counseling Center who specializes in working with couples and individuals healing from narcissistic relationships.
What does it mean to be a narcissist?
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health V, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition given by a licensed professional to an individual who meets a specific set of diagnostic criteria. The term “narcissist” is often overused or used incorrectly to refer to someone who exhibits any sort of narcissistic traits, which we all exhibit to a certain degree. However, someone with NPD generally possesses an intense fear of failure alongside several of the following traits:
A grandiose sense of their own importance
Expecting special treatment or exemption from rules
Needing to be the center of attention
Boastfulness
Failing to understand the needs and feelings of others
Being hyper-critical
Being easily offended or hurt
and someone who becomes enraged when they don’t receive the deference they believe they deserve, and others.
If you are interested in learning more about specific diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, you can read more here.
How can narcissism affect interpersonal relationships?
In her clinical experience working with couples impacted by NPD, Wagner shares that “it is nearly impossible for someone to engage in a relationship with someone who has NPD to not be affected by it.”
From repeated gaslighting patterns, difficulty creating genuine trust and security, validation-seeking behaviors, and more, narcissistic abuse can have long-lasting effects on an individual’s sense of self. Oftentimes in relationships with narcissists, a victim may fall into the role of stroking the narcissist’s ego in order to maintain homeostasis in the relationship dynamic. Examples of this include verbal compliments, sexual favors, or acting as a consistent presence for manipulation and criticism.
Every narcissistic relationship is unique, and some relationships can be toxic without being abusive. Consulting a therapist or licensed mental health professional can help an individual who suspects narcissistic abuse to identify malignant behaviors, establish boundaries to protect themselves, and explore the healthiest ways to move forward or end the relationship.
What are some strategies for managing a relationship with a narcissist?
As with most health conditions, education can be a powerful tool in understanding your situation and planning out next steps. When researching information about narcissistic relationships, consult reputable resources such as the Mayo Clinic, American Psychological Association, or a licensed mental health professional.
Secondly, creating an external support system is pivotal to supporting one’ s own mental health when struggling with narcissistic abuse. Support systems may include friends and family, a mental health therapist, a support group, online community, or a domestic violence hotline.
Setting boundaries and learning behavioral strategies are both important tools in navigating a relationship with a narcissist. In this episode of More Than a Therapy Couch, Wagner elaborates on “gray rocking”, which is a behavioral strategy she teaches clients when they are preparing to initiate a break up with a narcissist.
Lastly, having an exit strategy is essential for those looking to end a relationship with a narcissist. This can include ensuring access to individual bank accounts and credit cards, keeping gas in your car, getting a burner phone, and making arrangements to safe places where you can stay.
Ultimately, Wagner says “my suggestion for the non-narcissistic partner is to value their own mental health and safety and sometimes that means leaving a relationship, even if they love their partner. Sometimes, the healthiest thing to do for a relationship is to end it.”
About Tree of Life Counseling Center
At Tree of Life Counseling Center in Princeton, NJ and Freehold, NJ, we have an experienced team of 50+ clinicians to help support you, and your family, through whatever you may be facing. Schedule an appointment today by calling 732-393-8391 or filling out an online form at https://www.treeoflifecc.org/start-today
