How a Therapist Overcomes Mistakes
By Alyssa Cohen, LCSW and Primary Therapist at Tree of Life Counseling Center
Once upon a time, in my personal life… I made a mistake.
Okay, let’s be real. I have made many a mistake in my lifetime. Like most people, I don’t particularly enjoy the emotions I experience in response to my own misdoings. I will typically notice varying degrees of guilt, anxiety, sometimes even shame or embarrassment. If only being a therapist was a magic ticket to remaining unaffected by what I often refer to in my sessions as “the feelings we don’t like to feel.”
While I unfortunately don’t have any such magic ticket, I do consider myself pretty fortunate to have a strong set of coping skills to help me to manage my emotions, and move forward in a helpful way. And I love that I get to share them with you here. :)
When I’ve messed up, I take comfort in…
Looking for the lesson. I have become accustomed to examining my mistakes from an objective, “just the facts” lens. This helps me to turn them into learning opportunities. Self improvement is important to me. It doesn’t serve me to be so busy harping on my mistakes, to the point where I’m missing the opportunity to learn and grow from them. While identifying the facts can helpful, I have found that I as well as many of my clients commonly need additional coping strategies to manage the feelings we have about the situation at hand. That’s where my DBT skills come in handy. For more information on DBT, please refer to my blog entry on managing my own mental health.
Being gentle with myself. I try to keep my self talk really kind, especially when I’m not feeling great emotionally. There is research to suggest that too much self criticism can lead to intensified struggles w/ motivation. Speaking kindly to myself helps me to feel motivated to move forward, so that I can focus on doing the better next time. When it comes to self compassion, the research is definitely on my side. Take a look here and here if you need convincing!
Talking about my mistakes. I typically do this with my therapist. Sometimes I’ll speak with a trusted loved one. This allows me to get new perspective, which can help me to learn even more from the experience. I also appreciate when others can relate to my experiences, as it feels validating and reassuring. I’m mindful about who I choose to confide in, because I have encountered some well meaning folks who didn’t exactly give helpful feedback. I also want to feel confident in my ability to trust that the person I’m speaking will refrain from sharing my business with other people. Part of this one including checking in with myself about my goal for seeking feedback... Is it to process my emotions? Ask for advice? I try to communicate these goals to the person I’m speaking with so they too know what I’m looking for. I’ve also made it a habit to check-in in this way with my loved ones when they come to me, rather than assuming that I know what kind of support they’re looking for. I might say something like, “What are you looking for from me?” or “How can I help support you?”
So what do you think? You ready to mess up (because you’re human) and respond positively (because you can!)? You can do it!
With that, I’m off to go make myself a much needed iced coffee, and say hello to one of our therapy dogs before my next client gets here. Thank you for reading!
NOTICE TO USERS The Tree of Life Blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on this blog.